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and so it goes

Life goes on. I KNOW it does. I’m just not ready for it to yet. I have about 8 phone calls to return for work and more than several emails. I hope people will be patient. I have to work – I have kids to feed. And I want to. I have the best job in the world. I love my job.

We are all about hibernating. And cuddling.

I just feel the need to hibernate for a while. Or something. My feelings alternate between so totally overwhelmed to the point of wanting to shriek; to being completely at loose ends, standing in the middle of the room wondering what the heck I can possibly think of to do. For the next few minutes or the rest of my life. It either doesn’t seem real – he’s just in the next room – will be home soon! Or grief batters me and my brain understands what my body and heart refuse to accept.

However.

I’m trying to act as if. I go to the calls I’ve set up. And once I’m there, I’m okay. We do good. People are pleased. Dogs learn.
I work with my little boarding dog. She’s gone from nuttso crazyo to much calmer. Coming, listening, peeing outside. All good things.

I can function. And I will. More consistently. Soon.
2 weeks ago today my life was what passes for normal in this world. Who woulda thought??

3 Comments

  • By Sharon, February 18, 2011 @ 6:18 am

    You are doing fine, u are strong. Like u tell me, this to shall pass! I know it is not easy, and as you know, I very well know. Keep your focus on your kids and work. You are blessed with a wonderful family behind you, which I did not have. U know I am here if u need me!

  • By Stina, February 18, 2011 @ 1:43 pm

    It sounds like you’re doing just what you need to; be gentle with yourself,hibernate if you need to, hang out with dogs as much as possible. Hang in there.

    I’m glad to hear your boarding dog is learning. My current dog took forever to housetrain– every time his routine changed, he’d go pee somewhere in the house. I can remember tethering him to me for weeks. He’s great now, though!

    Take care.
    Stina

  • By Zusiqu, February 18, 2011 @ 10:03 pm

    I’ve never lost a spouse but I have lost a son. It’s hard. You can handle it, but it is hard.

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