Life goes on. I KNOW it does. I’m just not ready for it to yet. I have about 8 phone calls to return for work and more than several emails. I hope people will be patient. I have to work – I have kids to feed. And I want to. I have the best job in the world. I love my job.
I just feel the need to hibernate for a while. Or something. My feelings alternate between so totally overwhelmed to the point of wanting to shriek; to being completely at loose ends, standing in the middle of the room wondering what the heck I can possibly think of to do. For the next few minutes or the rest of my life. It either doesn’t seem real – he’s just in the next room – will be home soon! Or grief batters me and my brain understands what my body and heart refuse to accept.
I’m trying to act as if. I go to the calls I’ve set up. And once I’m there, I’m okay. We do good. People are pleased. Dogs learn.
I work with my little boarding dog. She’s gone from nuttso crazyo to much calmer. Coming, listening, peeing outside. All good things.
I can function. And I will. More consistently. Soon.
2 weeks ago today my life was what passes for normal in this world. Who woulda thought??