Strange truths that have nothing to do with dogs.
One of those days. folks – just cramming slamming busy. It happens. Not as often as we like to pretend it does however.
Some people are just nervous and think they're busy...
But – just so you know I’m still thinking of you – here is some nonsense that came floating through my computer. Just in case it hasn’t floated through yours yet….enjoy!
Strange Truths for Mature Humans
1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection…again.
13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
17. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.
18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
19. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?
20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
22. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey -
but I’d bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!
24. The first testicular guard, the “Cup,” was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.
Magic Wand Dog Training!
(I didn’t write this – its floating around on a few of my dog training lists. Hope you enjoy!!)
Telephone system
by Sally
Thursday, August 26, 2010 at 11:27am
“This is the Magic Wand Dog Training and Behaviour Services automated
telephone system. Please listen carefully to the following options:
Press 01 to tell me your dog has been asked to leave the local obedience
club because he won’t sit, wait, down or come when called (even when on
lead) so you thought you would try agility.
Press 02 if your Labrador is morbidly obese and you thought you would try
agility.
Press 03 if you want 30 minutes of advice and have no intention of paying
for it.
Press 04 if you describe your dog as ‘a little bit naughty’ when what you
really mean is that the b*st*rd bites, hard.
Press 05 if you want puppy training classes but your Boxer is already 12
months old.
Press 06 if you believe that just by turning up to one puppy training class
and doing no work whatsoever at home, your puppy will grow up to be a well adjusted companion.
Press 07 if your nervous aggressive GSD has bitten and hospitalized Aunt
Maud, the vet, and your child and you want me to rehome it.
Press 08 if you have three children under school age, an invalid parent
living at your home, a partner who works away, are pregnant with twins and
want your 8 month old Dalmatian that never gets a walk to stop chewing
everything in sight.
Press 09 if you want to tell me my advice won’t work even though you have not tried it yet.
Press 10 if you want to be dog trainer and behaviorist because you like
animals better than people.
Press 11 if you are 15 years old and want to do work experience with me but would faint if I asked you to pick up after a dog.
Press 12 if your dog is aggressive with other dogs but you want to join one
of my groups because it will be nice for him to have some friends.
Press 13 if you cannot afford my private rates and want a discount because you only have one BMW.
Press 14 if you are canceling your lesson that is due to start in 30
minutes and have no intention of paying the cancellation fee.
Press 15 if you do not believe in rewarding a dog and know that clicker
training does not work because your friend Beryl said so.
Press 16 if you think your dog knows he has done wrong when you tell him off and that he obeys you because he respects you and acknowledges you are a superior being.
Press 17 if you want me to wave my magic wand over your
contacts/weaves/start line waits in just one session and will then tell me
it did not work when you go to a show just two days later with no training
in the meantime.
Press 18 if you have eleven Jack Russell bitches in a small apartment and you want me to teach them not to fight each other.
Press 19 if you already know everything about your breed because this is the fourth one you have had and I cannot tell you anything new.
Press 20 if you want me to pick up your dear departed dog’s ashes from the vets and keep them at my house because you are too upset to have them in your home.
Press 21 if you could not use a halti, indoor crate, or harness because they
are cruel.
Press 22 if you will not put a muzzle on your very aggressive dog because
you do not want people to think he is nasty.
Press 23 if you want to leave an increasingly angry message for the third
time this week demanding an urgent call back and yet again forget to give
your name or number.
Press 24 if, having ascertained I am out, you wish ask my husband or kids
for behavioral advice about your pet.
Press 25 if you wish to fill up my answering machine tape with an incoherent
rambling message
Press 26 if want your entire male adolescent dog to spend its days lying
patiently on your front step on your unfenced property because dogs
shouldn’t want to run away, should they.
Press 27 if you want me to teach your untrained border collie to play with
sheep because you think he will like it.
Press 28 if your dog thinks its name is “NO”.
Press 29 if it is before 8am or after 10pm and you want to ask how to stop
your 13 week old lab puppy from biting your 5, 7 and 9 year old boys when
they play fight with it.
Press 30 if you have taken trouble to socialize and train your pet and want
to make an appointment to learn even more fun stuff. No need to hold, I’ll
put you right through.”
Upcoming
Kids are back in school and soon life will settle back into what passes for normal. I hope.
Busy week ahead!
Oh, I went to a wedding. Isn't she a beautiful bride??
Looking to my dog training agenda….I have three classes today, a week one beginner, a week eight intermediate and a week six puppy. Love that puppy class!!!
Being an upperclassman is all about the enthusiasm!
Tomorrow, church in the morning, then an afternoon crammed full of classes. Monday and Tuesday I have afternoons filled with private lessons and evening classes.
Wednesday night I’m teaching a class – volunteering for a local shelter’s fund raiser. Should be fun! Thursday is my training instructor training class. That is one I’m taking not teaching.
In 6th grade, enthusiasm is not a required subject.
And a hundred and one things in between – kids and laundry and cooking and cleaning and writing and…whew!
What is your week looking like? Next Page »